Guest From the Left: J. Marquis

The Generic Republican Poll



It tickles me when I hear Republicans talking about Obama losing to the "generic" Republican candidate.

I'm not sure what the generic Republican would look like or sound like or act like. I guess the only thing we can be sure of his that he/she would work tirelessly to make sure the rich never have to pay a cent more in taxes.

But since the GOP has to actually run a real, live human being in 2012, let's take a second and go down the list. Who's got a shot at winning the nomination and who's
just wasting their time?

Mitt Romney- Seems to be the odds on favorite to win the GOP nomination. However, I've never met a Republican who's actually enthusiastic about voting for him. Has two groups standing strong against him: the anti-Mormon voters and the anti-robot voters. Electable.

Michele Bachmann- she's gained a lot of traction in Iowa lately. Of course, if you're conservative enough to gain traction in Iowa then you're probably going
to slide all over the road in the other states. Always one tough question away from completely losing it. Electable... but what a nightmare scenario.

Herman Cain- seems like a nice guy but has no political experience. Hates prejudice but also thinks there's about a 99 percent chance any Muslim who attends a mosque is getting ready to unleash Sharia law on
the country. Unelectable.

Rick Santorum- annoying, unlikeable and way too concerned about what other people are doing in the privacy of their own homes. Unelectable.

Ron Paul- charming and consistent and unelectable.

Tim Pawlenty- if he didn't have the guts to take on Romney in the debate how would he deal with a 3am crisis? Unelectable and really kind of a weasel.

Newt Gingrich- I'm amazed what a joke his campaign has been. He's like a rodeo cowboy who can't seem to get the bull to leave the shoot. Unelectable.

Jon Huntsman and Gary Johnson- a second Mormon and a second libertarian. Unelectable squared.

And then you have the teases, Rick Perry and Mama Grizzly Palin. He's unelectable because there's no way America is ready to be led again this soon by a good ol' boy from Texas. And she's unelectable because actually campaigning is just too much work for a big celebrity like her now.

How'd I do? Think I missed the mark on any of these folks?

(You can read J. Marquis daily at: Major Conflict)