Monday, December 28, 2009

Contraband Vetted

"Oh, homemade pumpkin bread! But... Um... Do you have the ingredient lists of all the things you used to make it?" My 3rd grader's room mother seemed embarrassed to ask.

"Crap, I had it...but carrying the bread for this class, the pizzelles for the 5th grade, presents for the teachers and the baby...I must have forgot it. Sorry! It's basically flour, sugar, eggs, pumpkin and spices though-nothing even remotely peanuty...cross my heart."

"Well, it's ok with me, but you'll have to go get a clearance from the school nurse.Sorry."


"Hi, I brought in pumpkin bread for the holiday party, but forgot the ingredients and was told I need a clearance from you. I's for Ms. Bing's class...there are no allergy kids in the class."

The nurse checks some big, three ring notebook and then proclaims that my contraband should be okay and would get a clearance this one time...but not to let it happen again.

"Can I ask you something? The school says they want healthy snacks but then gives parents that actually send healthy, homemade stuff the 3rd degree. Am I to infer from the new 'no homemade items' rule that you think I would lie? Am I going to tunnel peanuts into the bread and then lie? To what avail?"

"Parents have lied."

"To what avail?" I ask again.

".... You have to understand, someone could breath on this girl and she could die."

"That is absolutely not true. No offense, but please...she wouldn't have made it to 5th grade. And if it IS true and her parents send her into throngs of children that could have eaten peanut butter toast for breakfast...child protective services should remove her immediately."

"These aren't my rules."

Why can't I ever JUST STOP talking? "Yeah but you're not questioning them either and you're a registered nurse. All this and they serve peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the cafeteria...where she eats. But I can't have bread with NO PEANUTS in a room and grade where she is not. How does that make any sense!?"

"Because IF something happens to her we have to be able to show it was not due to anything that happened here."

And there it is. Finally the truth. CYA baby. Hundreds inconvenienced by one. The new normal.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

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