Friday, April 11, 2008


By now you are all well aware of the peanut=HAZMAT situation at my kids' school. There was a crazy little plot twist yesterday:

School Nurse:
"Ms. Sagacity? I am calling to inform you that Busta was among about 30 3rd graders that tasted a plant in the school garden today. The plant is called vinca minor and is toxic. The children have been monitored all day and poison control has been notified. I can't stay on the phone because I have tons of other calls to make. Please call your doctor immediately if he experiences any dizziness, vomiting or diarrhea."

"I am by no means trying to minimize my son's stupidity in eating an unsanctioned item, but considering this IS an elementary school...can I inquire as to why there are toxic plants in the garden?"

School Nurse:

The boy gets home and explains "MacKenzie" (a girl in his class) told everyone the aforementioned plant was honeysuckle and that an aide said they could drink the juice. "MacKenzie" is THE peanut allergy girl --the reason for the HAZMAT environment at Stepford Elementary.

ALa: "MacKenzie!? MacKenzie's dad drags lawyers to the school and walks around with a clipboard in case someone brings anything that may have been processed in a plant that may have processed something with peanuts 15 years ago and she's telling everyone to eat poisonous plants!? What cosmic irony. If only I was a litigious person...

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