Guest Post from Bubba

Mah truck. Aint' she a beauty!!

The Family

Howdy ya'll. Ahm Bubba. Ah live in a little bitty place at a fork in the road in New York. Most of my family has done moved down south, but I don't like it down there in Pennsylvania.

Now, ah don't know much 'bout politics, but ah do know somethin' 'bout guns. Ah know ya don' "cling" to them, ya "clean" them. They ain't much good for politickin', 'cept when you need to run some no good skunk outa town. Ah can't figger what that fella was yammerin' 'bout. Maybe everbody just misunderestimated that fella.

But ah gots to figger sometin out afore that there convention thing out in Denver. Coloradie, ah thinks. Good thing it ain't in New Mexico, cuz ah ain't agot no passport.

Anywho, ah done inheriteded a thing from Grandpa. Wale, two things. One was a rent controlled 'partment in New York City. Ahm rentin' it out to a couple of illegals from Canada. They talks funny, but all ways pays on tahm.

The other warn't no good 'til now. Ah is one of them there sooper delegates. When that lawyer feller called me, ah was so excited. Ah toll Ma and the younguns to all put on they're best cuz we was a goin' to the soup rester...ar... place. Ah had done got us all you can et.

The he came to the trailer and splained it warn't no food cupon. Seems Grandpa was sum sort of poobah at sum party with sum Democats or sumthin. Now ah is.

So now, anyway, ah have to load up the truck and go to this Denver place. That law fella wuz tellin us sumthin 'bout all this votin' that's been goin' on and how ah has to decide who the next President is. That seemz lahk an awful lot, but if he promises to keep up the note on the trailer, ah reckon ah can do my part for the cuntry.

Ah kinda wants to vote for that girl, Clinton, just to get her out of our state. And ah just ain't got no hankerin' 'bout that other guy's preacher. What wuz he yammerin' 'bout with takin' the Lord's name in vain? What does that fancy pants know about chicken's roostin, anyway? Ah hear he's got some million dollar house. Ah reckon he ain't even got no chickens, anyway.

But that girl, she just don't seem raght, either. My daddy was in Vietnam and my brother was in the first Gulf War. He got out of the Army right after he got back, he ain't so happy about that now. If he had staid in, he coulda retired by now with half pay. But things are OK down at the slaughterhouse.

Then she had to go and talk 'bout that sniper fire thing. Daddy and Bubba (what? that's his name two) just started laughin' when they saw the videos on my new 85 inch plasma TV. It was too big to get in the trailer (it's just a single wide) so we set it up on the deck. Ah don't reckon ah'm fixin' to vote for some liar like that. Plus, ah don't know if we can afford her astealin' more dishes from the White House.

Hope and Change. That's what that Chicago fella is about. Ah keep hopin' he'll change, but it ain't lookin' like it. Ya know, my daddy was atellin' me 'bout that Ayers fella, two. You just can't catch no fish with that kinda bait.

Ah guess the capper is that wife of his. There is definitely sumtin wrong with her. She done fell out the smart-aleck tree and hit every branch on the way down. She's got sum kinda mouth on her, ain't she? But then, that husband of that girl runnin'. Didn't he used to be somebody? What the heck is he 'bout, anyway? Maybe he's hopin' for some change, two.

Uh, hold on, there's sumbody at the door.......

......

Wow, sum guy who's with that girl just promised me a new double-wide to vote for her. And raght behing him was a girl with a new bass boat with my name on it, if ah promisses to vote for some guy named Osama.

Let's see. ah could move my TV inside if ah had me a double-wide. But ah could sure use a good bass boat. Ah gues ah'l have to cling to my guns, religion and antipathy for people not lahk me and figger on this.