Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Guest Post by Dick

Writing quality speculative fiction, which revolves around this nation and plays along with the current atmosphere is a major league bitch, and never, under any circumstance should you ever think it isn’t.

Does this have anything to do with politics? Hell no. In all honesty, this political season has whipped my ass into total submission, simply because,

A. The American youth of today are so goddamned far away from reality, they’ll beat, temporarily imprison a young teenage girl, and post the video because they think they’ll look cool while getting a little payback. For what, I’m still not quite sure, but I‘m certain their sure to be scumbag defense attorneys will come up with an ever so logical excuse for their… misguided actions, yeah. Guilty, life in prison, without the possibility of parole, especially for those cowardly fucking boys present who stood by as lookouts and refused to intervene.

And, B. It’s okay to be politically incorrect, i.e.; say as you please as long as you’re against the Bush administration, which in turn leads me to a question brought on a by a post on a friend’s page. Without looking the word up, or screaming racism at the top of your pointed little cranium, can you tell yourself the definition of the word, niggardly? No, don’t bother typing it in the comments, as you’re the only person to whom it would matter.

Ya know, a while back when I wrote an anonymous, popular, and rather rambunctious webpage, I’d look forward to, literally relishing the various hate mail that came my way. Now that I write novels under my real name, things haven’t changed a bit, with the exception being the quality of the IP locator. Yeah baby, there’s free, and then there’s paid for… Nothing quite as amusing as the former prey suddenly becoming the predator, huh? The moronic assholes who send hate mail and death threats these days, and sadly, I’ve only received a single, “you’re going to die” email so far, and I do wish you gutless wonders of the Islamic nation would step it the fuck up and get busy. Though the wife isn’t too terribly fond of these notes, I have to admit, they give me some serious woodage.

Totally off topic, like there was one to begin with…Did anybody see the story about the guy in Englewood, California (I think) who fell into a wood chipper and died? Fucking A, now there’s a sweet way to go. Not that it was good by any means, but everybody on the planet will cringe when they think about. Seriously, you’re cringing, aren’t you?

I think when I go, I want it to be epic. I mean a scale so grand that anybody even considering a grander demise would have only to think back for a few seconds and say to themselves, out loud of course, “Oh fuck, Dick… yeah, right... can’t even touch that one. Fuck it…”

So here’s the plan; to be slowly beheaded, while being eaten by a great white shark, while burning at the stake, while T-boning a car on a bike, while driving under the ass end of a semi, being chased by cannibals, getting shot in the back of the head by a pissed off father, while Rosie O’Donnell sits on my face. And of course it’d have to be made available as a video on the net.


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