Thursday, December 08, 2005

Carnival of Comedy: No. 32

OK kids, here is my virgin hosting of IMAO's Comedy Carnival... I must apologize to Spacemonkey as I must disobey the rules right out of the gate. I can't bring myself to tell someone that their submission isn't funny --also, that category would be too big as there were only about six pieces that I did find funny (What six? You'll never know...). See, compassionate conservatism at work my friends...
So go read the few funny and many not-so-funny comedy stylings of the blogosphere which I will pepper with the "Rules that all Guys Wish Women Knew" which I find to actually be funny! Enjoy...

#1 If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
#2 Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
#3 Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

It seems Saddam is unhappy with his prison surrounding and Buckley F. Williams runs down the complaints at The Nose on Your Face.

Dean Abbott ponders the semantics of Shack-shakin'...and I think it really was Inspired by a True Story.

Tesco, who runs Blank Forever, let's us witness a scene in a bar that's quite telling. (*mild language*)

The Astonished Head has gotten his hands on seemingly classified night vision pictures of a suspected terrorist.

#3 If it itches, it will be scratched.
#4 If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear.
#5 Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

TMH's Bacon Bits has a post that ponders the exploration of peace via yoga.

Ferdinand over at Conservative Cat introduces readers to a new comic featuring Elijah and Mike.

The Dimmer Switch is delving into the psychology of society's need to be bad as expressed through our desserts.

The Skwib explores the long lasting effects of a young boy being schooled on Hygiene by a Nun.

Miriam's Ideas this week include analyzing the "regulars" at her local know the ones. There is also a post about driving the Jersey Turnpike.

#6 Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topics such as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
#7 Sundays equals sports. Period.
#8 Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

ROFASix lets readers in on a very unique and titillating way our troops are being supported.

The Irritation Station offers definitive proof that Jesus wasn't a liberal.

Almost Average has captured a pictorial presentation depicting the talking heads battling it out about Iraq.

Quibbles and Bits discusses the Rapture and God's humor.

#9 When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
#10 You have enough clothes.
#11 You have too many shoes.

Peace Moonbeam opens up about how Ann Coulter destroyed her relationship.

FIAR, at Radioactive Liberty, offers a heartfelt apology to his readers.

Over at Once More Into the Breach, Xyba divulges a secret Christmas wish.

Soccer Dad posted about his feeling on the Donald's switch to Cali for the Apprentice series.

#12 Crying is blackmail.
#13 Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
#14 Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

Apparently the DNC is attempting to harness and channel Howard Dean's fury as reported by Point Five.

The ACLU is going for broke and looking to ban Christmas altogether -The Right Place has the scoop.

Kid Various posted about the finer points of the KoKo the Gorilla sexual harassment case (*warning: pic that may not be work safe*)

Bob, at Either Orr, divulges the truth about the investigation of America's top democrats.

#15 We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
#16 Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair--out of 30--would look good with your dress?
#17 Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Over at Sophistpundit, Adam Gurri lets people know what Blogflogger return really means.

Political Calculations has posted a breakdown of the power structure of academia...where do you fall on the academic food chain?

SeanS at Brothers Dim has posted a very unique Christmas wish involving butter.

#18 Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
#19 A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
#20 Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
#21 Check your oil.
#22 Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
#23 It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take any quiz together.
#24 It doesn't matter which quiz.
#25 Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
#26 If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.
#27 If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
#28 Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
9 You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both.
#30 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
#31 Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
#32 If you wear a Wonderbra and a low-cut blouse, you lose the right to complain about having your boobs stared at.
#33 Our relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
#34 Men see in a limited number of colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
#35 Ditto melon.
#36 If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle...

The next three will be hosted by:
12/15: Right Wing Testimonial
12/22: Cadet Happy
12/29: inquiring...

Can I submit someone else's work...? Sure I can, for I am the hostess, and I have already broken all the other rules...
Jeff of Protein Wisdom has transcribed a recent conversation from a Ramadi Bunker.

Listed in TTLB's √úberCarnival...

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