Tuesday, August 23, 2005

BUSH’S TWO PARTY ANIMALS - By Russ

"I’ve been thinking about the left’s talking points saying that the Global War On Terror will not be legitimate until Barbara & Jenna grab an M4 and start offing jihadis. “Mother Sheehan” even referred to the Bush girls in one of her tirades. I think I can finally put the words down that will summarize my thoughts on the issue.

The Bush girls are lightning rods, since they were on the verge of adulthood when their dad took his first Presidential Oath of Office. Chelsea Clinton & Amy Carter never had to contend with demands that they drive a tank in Kosovo or refuel helicopters at “Desert One” to justify their fathers’ foreign policies – mainly because they were still in junior high or high school when these things happened. Since the Bush girls are old enough to serve, they appear to be legitimate targets for this type of criticism, until you look at the facts.

FACT: Both Bush girls are HIGHLY visible in our current 24 hour media cycle. If we can get 587 updates to the Natalee Holloway non-story every freakin’ day (and that’s just on Fox, people), how do you think CNN, MSNBC, Reuters, and Al-Jazeera would cover the service of the Bush girls? Their every move would be broadcast to the world, irregardless of security concerns.

FACT: Those demanding the conscription of the Bush girls will not be satisfied with anything less then front line infantry service for these two “party animals”. It wouldn’t matter if either of them was the best physical therapist our medical facilities in Germany had ever seen or the best possible supply officer in South Korea or Guam, she would still be called a “chickenhawk” and reviled for taking a spot that “some poor kid could have filled, making that poor kid go to Iraq in her place”. Let’s be frank here – many of the war protesters would cum in their unwashed denims if either of these girls met a grisly end at the hands of some jihadi bomb carrier or sniper. When you hear them say “these girls should SERVE in Iraq”, substitute DIE in that sentence and you’ll get the idea they’re REALLY trying to sell here.

FACT: The "martial" Bush girls would endanger any soldier serving with them. The media swarm accompanying them would serve as a target for our opposition – after all, why waste your martyrdom on some Marine Reserve MP from Gowrie, Iowa when you can shoot for the fruit of CHIMPY McHITLERBURTON’s loins? By being in any unit, these girls would make that unit a target for insurgents no matter the assignment of that unit. Truck drivers, EOD team, aircraft mechanics, or even intel officers – any unit with a Bush girl serving with them might as well have George Armstrong Custer running the show. This attempt at appeasing the anti-war radicals would more than likely get “Corporal Six-Pack” killed. I suggest that we respond to these demands with simplistic slogans that the Left can understand. NO BLOOD FOR PUBLIC RELATIONS sounds about right.

Let’s summarize the facts as I see them. No military service by the Bush twins will satisfy their critics on the Left, short of using them for cannon fodder like the Russian "volunteers" at the beginning of "Enemy At the Gates". The presence of the Bush girls with any military unit ANYWHERE in the world would immediately make that unit a prime target for terrorists, and be an unnecessary danger for any troops serving with them.

Sorry about my recent focus on politics. "The lovely Janis" and I attended the Iowa State Fair on Saturday, and I will send pictures of the adventure to ALa for publication later this week. Let’s just say that consuming half your body weight in deep fried foods SERVED ON A STICK, feeding chunks of your corndog to the ducks at the Dept. of Natural Resources display pond and admiring the "Biggest Boar" in all his enormous-testicular glory is part of the rituals that make America the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE FREAKIN’ WORLD!"

-Russ from Winterset, House Contributor

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