"And then you have the Drudge Report...I like how he has a little place where you can send in anonymous news tips. Can you imagine the ridiculous stories he’s been sent. I would pay him a lot of money just to see a list of these “news tips”.
“Hey Drudge, my cat, who happens to be the largest cat in the known universe, had two human babies. One of them is a clone of Michael Jackson, and the other is a clone of that terrorist Zarqawi. The Michael Jackson clone keeps trying to hit on my son, and the Zarqawi clone is busy trying to cut my dog’s head off. The other day I was chasing them around the back yard when a massive earthquake, registering at least 9.0 on the richter scale, tore open the earth, revealing the gates of hell. At this point, Satan himself, wearing none other than Monica Lewinski’s stained dress, came bounding up from the pit of hell and landed right in front of me. He then asked me a bunch of questions. How are Brad and Jennifer? Is Martha Stewart out of prison yet? Which cable news show is leading in the latest Nielson ratings? Who was tops at the box office last weekend? And do you know the latest hurricane path? I told Satan that he could find out all of these things on your website, but he responded that his internet service provider was AOL and he has a hard time getting through. Something about not enough bandwith down there because of everyone searching for the latest Paris Hilton porn video. Anyway, I just thought you should know.”
p.s. The clone Zarqawi and I would really like to get married, and I was wondering which states in the U.S. recognize gay marriage? Thanks for your help. I’ll be sure and send you another news tip when I get captured, so you can put one of those big sirens at the top of your website. Got to go, Zarqawi has turned the torch lights down in my cave, and he’s ready for a little lovin’.
I’m getting tired of blogging already. It’s late here in Iraq, and I have to get up early to go try and kill some blogging terrorists.
I’m going to link to your blog for the sole purpose of getting it shut down.
I was wondering if you would like to be my instachief of staff.
Bill Gates said...
I make more money in one second than you do in a year.
Michael Jackson said...(in a font that indicates he has a girly voice)
My lawyers will be contacting you shortly.
You stupid American infidel. Allah be willing, I will find out where you are in Iraq, Allah be willing. Allah be willing,I will cut your head off as well, Allah be willing.
Michael(that would be me) said...
Allah be willing you will quit saying Allah be willing.
Zarqawi, you are my little bitch. Who’s your daddy? Come back to the cave so I can mount you again, Allah be willing.
Michael Jackson said...
Are there any little boys in that cave?
Michael Jackson said...
This post has been removed by the author"
Excerpt taken from: Michael, A Day in Iraq
"If My Alter-Ego was to Start Another Blog" Post, 15 March 2005