Friday, December 31, 2004

Marriage

*Inspired by Kat's "Why am I Single- Let me Count the Ways" posts...

Reading Kat's very introspective posts about why she believes she is still single in her 30's, led me to think about why I am married. When you really think about it marriage is an insane idea...much more insane than still being single. You are willingly committing to one person for the rest of your life. One person. Most of us have more than one friend, and I find that I have friends that fill different needs...a confidant, a partner in endless shopping, a mommy friend, a party friend... Yet, we are supposed to find a mate that fills all of our needs...forever. So what it is that clicks one day in your dating life that tells you 'this is the one’? This is the person I can wake up next to for the next 40 years and not loathe the sight of... I have NO idea.

Before I got married I had a list of things that I refused to compromise on...everyone said that I was unrealistic.
I never liked college guys. I know that sounds weird, but at the end of the day...don't talk to me about the philosophies of Heidegger or John Locke when you can't fix my toilet -or change the oil and brakes in my car. I guess it's my perception of what a man is. So I wanted a blue collar worker (not a landscaper or car detailer...someone with a trade). And I wanted someone that was smart. A smart blue collar worker. And I wanted someone who dressed really good. Being the clothes-horse that I am I couldn't have a guy with no appreciation of the finer things...someone that would bitch at me about the cost of each frivolous purpose. A smart blue collar worker with fashion sense. I also wanted someone with a great work ethic that made a decent living...let's face it; I'm used to being spoiled. BUT, they couldn't be BORN into money. I wanted someone that grew up the way I did and made it on their own. Most guys with inherited money have a sense of entitlement that I can't stand. A smart, fashion savvy, born poor now with money blue collar worker. So, you see where my friends were coming from saying that I was NEVER going to find what I was looking for. I would be single forever.

Enter The Man...

The Man was born to a crappy family. Father a drug addict musician -mother, well, she's still alive so we'll leave it as he had a mother. Grew up poor as hell. Became an HVAC prodigy at the age of 17. Companies fighting to get him. Supply houses battling to have him be their representative. Smart as hell. Can do algebra, geometry and physics in his head without an ounce of formal training in it.

First time we meet:
I am dating a friend of his. My roommate and I have just paid over a $100 for an oil delivery and we have no heat. He comes to check it for us. He walks in wearing camouflage, WWII Army spats over Patent leather Creepers boots, a tux vest with a dress shirt OVER it, spiked white blonde hair and the bluest eyes I had ever seen.
Not my type though. I liked long haired Harley boys and this kid was clean cut and clean shaven...a definite pretty boy. But then he went to work and he gave us heat! He wasn't some hack...he really knew what the hell he was doing and all the principles behind it.

We got engaged 3 months after we started dating and married 3 months after that. Looking back now I am not sure if I was 'in love' with him when I married him (he hates when I say that). I think all that beginning stuff is infatuation and lust and true love grows over time. What I knew was that he fit my crazy criteria. He was/is the hardest worker I have ever met -working as I write this in dire need of double reconstructive surgery on his knees...but working none-the-less. He likes to shop as much/maybe more than I do. He notices when I buy new sheets and comments on the texture (Free!). And most important...we have the same sense of humor...silly & childish (we had a real Barbie and Ken on our wedding cake and had to call Mattel to find out how we could dye Ken's hair blonde). Amazingly enough, even after eight years, we rarely fight (unless he drinks vodka or I pick out boots that he thinks are ugly).

Not sure where I am going with this except to say that the guidelines that you set (or the deal-breakers) are not being picky. Stick by them. Marriage is hard work and you should go in with your requirements in tact --as there will be a 1,000 other things that will crop up that you never thought of...

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