Friday, October 01, 2004
Open Letter to Iran (Moo-lahs), North Korea, Syria and Various Other Terrorists:
I just wanted to write and put your mind to rest about the performance that you witnessed last night… Now, I realize that you may be getting nervous as you saw a ‘non-wilting’ John Kerry at the debate…but you’ll be put at ease if you read between the lines a bit…
Last night you heard that John Kerry thinks that Saddam should have been granted more time by further UN sanctions and resolutions. This means that obviously you would be bestowed the same courtesy –giving you countless years (18, 19, 20 resolutions?) to develop and mass market your weapons. You may have to subject your own citizens to sanctions, BUT if you can get the UN to start you an Oil for Food program –your regime will fair just fine.
You must have taken comfort when you heard that John Kerry will never strike preemptively (you won’t have to worry about re-living Saddam’s nightmare)… as Kerry made clear that it would take a “Global Test” and world approval to surmount a strike against you. With the aforementioned Oil for Food program –you can assure that he will never be able to get that approval (at least while Jacques Chirak is in power)…though I can not promise that you will not be discussed at VARIOUS SUMMITS.
(If this falls through -you'll still be OK...remember the 1991 Gulf War? Well, Kerry voted AGAINST that even though Saddam had invaded Kuwait and there was indeed a 'Grand Coalition'!)
Considering none of you are currently harboring Osama Bin Laden, you can freely go about your scheming and plotting should Kerry win the Presidency. I am sure that you heard last night that the senator believes that Osama Bin Laden is the single prong of the War on Terror. He will be too occupied looking for a figurehead to snoop around in your uranium…after all –you didn’t topple the World Trade Towers. We can take this a bit further and assume since Kerry called the past a ‘mythical war against Communism’ that his tunnel-vision on Bin Laden may indicate that he feels the same about the War on Terror. (And don’t for get about the North Vietnamese…Kerry has no qualms about meeting and negotiating with terrorists).
If Senator Kerry does happen to Flip-Flop (or Waffle) on the preemptive strike thing (which I am sure you realize is entirely possible given he contradicted himself NINE times in the approximately 40 minutes he spoke last night)…don’t fret! He has used a vote for supplies for our troops to make a political statement –just as he used the troops themselves for that purpose in 1971. Furthermore he has said that he wants to wage ‘peaceful wars’ and create ‘weapons that don’t kill’. Even if your arsenal grows –don’t worry…go deep into caves and you will be fine. Oh, you didn’t hear? He will stop production on the bunker busters…not to mention that he voted for a nuclear freeze during the Cold War.
I realize his ‘tough talk’ last night might have made you a bit uncomfortable in your tablecloth. I know that he exclaimed to the troops that ‘help was on the way’ and that he ‘will win’, but don’t worry. If you know how politics work in the USA, you realize that over 50% of Kerry’s base is anti-war and wants the troops pulled out of Iraq ASAP –and he can’t win without the base and they will expect things in return for a November victory. Though this new and more resolute Kerry evoked the memory of Ronald Reagan –what you may not know is that in 1988 John Kerry said that, “An end was coming to the moral darkness that was the Reagan Presidency”. Take comfort in the fact that a Kerry Presidency will NOT resemble a Reagan, Kennedy or Bush Presidency…But that of Jimmy Carter. (I am sure that he can already envision the Nobel Peace Prize hanging in a 24 ct. frame in one of his five mansions).
So, you can put your Kerry/Edwards signs back in the sand. Don’t let the debate dishearten you…the new and steadfast Kerry is nothing but facade and spin. Even the punditocracy, that declared the Kerry win, agree that his 20 year voting record doesn’t reflect a glimmer of what he hopes to project now…
Go home and get a good nights sleep…you have weapons to proliferate in the morning…