Monday, September 27, 2004

Back to Life...Back to Reality...

OK…So I’m back and I’m not happy about it….but I am tan.


Some random vacation thoughts and happenings...

So me, my younger sister (J), Justice and Mason headed out Saturday morning right into Ivan. Visibility on the highway…ZERO. Visibility with an evil 18 wheeler in front of you…ZERO minus 100. The men couldn’t go –so we headed out on our own. I called into a new talk radio show from the road –Pastor Joe? A very conservative black minister in Philly –he was good. I got through and was getting major feedback on my cell –which caused me to hmmm and uhmmm and sound like I had a 65 IQ. He asked me to hold on through the break and I was tempted to hang up, but my sister wouldn’t let me because ‘that would be mean’…
* * * * *

The boys were watching the Shrek DVD for the millionth time (luckily they have headphones for the DVD player so we didn’t have to hear it) and we were already bored, so J started an impromptu Presidential poll using bumper stickers. After the eight hour ride it was Bush: 12 Kerry: 7. (*I was happy to see that most of the Bush stickers were on cars with Ohio tags…Swing state!)
* * * * *

We arrive at the house (which rents in-season for 4 grand a week) to find they have ghetto-cable…NO FOX NEWS! Apparently the South has a lower-than-basic cable option. I was freaking out…complete withdrawal. No problem—they had CNN, C-Span and MSNBC (liberal conspiracy by Charter Cable?) For the first day I watched CNN –whining that if I had had to pay to stay there (my friends own the rental house) I would be pissed. The second day I called Charter Cable to re-affirm that Fox didn’t come with the existing package –“Isn’t this a Red State?” (She just laughed nervously). Third day I call my friend…

”R, imagine this…you are staying somewhere and know that the Eagles are playing every night and you can’t watch them…how would you feel?”

“I would freak out and be miserable”

“OK, that’s where I’m at...you have to upgrade the cable and I will pay the difference for the next two months until you go to settlement.”

Next day….ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…Fox and Friends, Bill O’Reilly, Sean and Greta are back in my life…$60 for 6 days of viewing pleasure.

Hello, my name is ALa and I am a Fox-a-holic.
* * * * *

We kept seeing a REALLY good looking life guard on the beach. He would ride by on his quad and wave everyday…he had dark good looks (Clooney) and a great body (hey…it wasn’t my idea to be there single! LOL) We would wave each day and wonder what color eyes he had under those Oakleys…Then on the second to last day –when J and I were both completely in love…he got off the quad to help an old man take a picture of some seagulls (?) and low and behold…he could barely see over the 4-wheeler… Collective groan from me, J and my friend N that lives down there –he was like 5 foot nothin’! Way to ruin 3 girls fantasies with one small hop onto the sand…
* * * * *

I loved seeing that Bruce Springstein decided to pass judgment on the President’s intellect because he mispronounces some words…in the next breath he went on to say that some people didn’t get the Symbology of his music…
* * * * *

One of my other friends that lives down there (M) is a lib. She moved down there about two years ago…

“M…I am SO happy that you have taken your vote from the swing state of PA to the RED state of NC –where your vote won’t count”…and I hugged her.

“F*** you A….” she says laughing (on the outside…)
* * * * *

The man and my sister’s fiancĂ© (T) came down on Thursday. I was glad to find out that T’s family, life-long Democrats, are all voting for Bush (with one exception who is voting for Kerry because Howard Stern told her to). He has a HUGE family!
* * * * *

The man called me early in the week to read me some of your comments (I never made it to the library as there was not ONE DROP of rain and we stayed at the beach all morning and the pool the rest of the day). I have been bursting at the seams to tell TWD that he is wrong…George Bush is NOT the only one that would campaign on 9/11 and being a war President. Roosevelt (D) had campaign buttons with Pearl Harbor that said ‘I Remember’ and certainly campaigned on being a war President. So there.
* * * * *

I wanted to check in, but I must go unpack and resume the depression of retuning to my humble abode after living in a mansion with an elevator for the past 10 days…I know money isn’t everything –but it sure is something!
* * * * *

I also wanted to post an email that I received while I was away........from 'fred flinstone'...

Begin Email: "Holy shit, not only are you a close minded fool, but your photoshop skills are embarassing!" End Email...

Thank you chesterfieldmuffins@hotmail.com -I had a great laugh upon my return....



13 comments:

tescosuicide said...

Ala, we're all the same size in bed....... well, I guess that's not ENTIRELY true. You may have passed up an opportunity! BTW, Money IS everything.

~Jen~ said...

You're back you're back you're back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn I missed you!!!!

Jensdad said...

Ala,
It's great to have you back. Next time you go on an extended vacation right before an election, we need to send you to a blue state so you can de-ignoritize a few liberal wieners.

Your life guard story reminded me of Tom Cruse and the fact that he's so vertically challenged. I have to keep reminding my wife that he's so short that in every movie he's in where there are horses, his contract specifies that the other actors are required to ride Shetland ponies to make Tom look taller. In Risky Buiness, remember when he slid by in his jockey shorts to That Old Time Rock and Roll in the background? If you look close you can see little Batman and Robin figures on his undies. Real ones are too big for him. In Top Gun, his jet had a booster seat. Also, he was so small, if you know what I mean, that Nicole Kidman divorced him and ran off some pizza delivery guy or something.

I have to rag on old Tom every time I hear the Mrs. say how cute he is. It's just my passive aggressive way of invalidating a rival. On the ohter hand, your husband has got to be one of the best natured guys around.

JD aka B@M

Tom said...

Very nice to have you back.

Your temporary beach bachelorette status reminds me of how bad I was when I was a younger guy on vacation at the Jersey shore. While my friends panted after the teeny boppers in bikinis, I was always looking for the married women stuck with the kids for the summer and whose husbands came down only on weekends.

Okay, not a very "conservative" thing to do, but you know what they say about one who is not a liberal at 18. Actually, they say he lacks a heart. In this case, though, he lacks some other vital body part.

justrose said...

ALa -- can I please say I have now read this four times and I have laughed myself insane each time. All the way down to the photoshop thing.

Welcome back to this imaginary world. We need something to talk about on the phone, right?

xx jr

Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

I guess strippers aren't the only women dumb enough to do everything Howard Stern tells them to do. Amazing.

Tammi said...

Thank goodness you're back. And on a roll. I started laughing about the bumpersticker poll, and didn't stop til the email. Oh, and lifeguard guy?? Yeah, welcome to my world!! But, ohhhh that was funny!!

And I was worried when you said the area you were heading to....I was afraid you wouldn't get your FOX. You are nothing if not determined!

Yeah A is back Yeah!!

Frater Bovious said...

Hey, where'd you get my picture?? fb

Desultory Girl said...

ALa, nice to see you back. I was LMAO reading your post.

Carl said...

good site! I was pleasantly suprised. I lean a little more left than you, but you make a great case by your honesty and cleverness. Keep it up! ;) www.bubblegoose.blogspot.com

Paul G. said...

Tell Me Why I Should Vote for George Bush

this we'll defend said...

We can resume our debate later - glad you are back and safe.

Wild Bill said...

Great to see you back. I'm a Fox-a-holic too! Matter of fact I'm watching Fox News right now. I don't even own photo shop, so your skills have to be better than mine. Tell Fred Filnstone to yabba dabba dooo, get a clue, try not to argue, if you don't want it to come back to you! Have fun.